5:47 pm
Thursday, April 28, 2005
.......She did it again.... Juz came back from school.Feeling tired and sad. She started it again.Tormenting me with her words. They cut rightthrough my heart.I went straight to my room and listen to my CDs.Blast it loudly so I can't hear anything. Trying notto cry but my tears betrayed me. They slid downmy cheeks.I went into the bathroom. Taking a very long bath.Letting the cold water fall onto me. I tried not tothink of words that she said to me.I need to get out of this place!!! I can't face each day without crying at night. This is too much.I've been keeping this for such a long time. I thinkone day it's gonna burst out of me. I juz wanna runaway from here. But I got no place to go...But one day I will... I will leave this place.Now I juz want to be alone. I will not speak to anyone.Me in my life... That's what my life it. A lonely one.Keeping everything to myself. I've lost so many thingsthat are dear to me. Now I'll get lost in my life.....
1:54 pm
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
UntitledI open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
(
A song by Simple Plan. So that's how it goes with my life..)
1:43 pm
..........Sometimes I don't feel like going home. Things are gettingfrom bad to worst. Everynight I lay on my bed wishing thatit's only a very bad dream.. but it's not...Sometimes I wish that i can just sleep forever 'cause I'msick and tired of this life I'm leaving in...When the sun rises up, I put up a happy face. Trying tolook cheerful. Smiling always, making stupid jokes.In the inside, I'm crushed, dead, numb... That's what I'm.When the sun set, the sky is dark. Everyone sleep but not me. I cry and cry trying to kill away this pain but I can't.Right now I'm dead but yet alive because my heart stillbeats.... I'm not sure if I can still carry on to live like this...I've done everything to make them proud of.. But I AM never good enough for them... Why??!!!! I can't! I'm not pefect!!
1:04 pm
Continue"Ryan! Hurry up. I think she's drunk. Can you carry her upstairs?" then I feel my body being lift up. Then I don't remember anything else.
I woke up and my head felt heavy, I tried to sit up but the pain shoot trough my head.
"Ouch!" I said holding my head.
"Yeah, ouch. Drink this," Ally said and past me a cup of warm tea. Ryan was sitting on the edge of the bed looking worried.
"Why on earth did you make yourself drunk?" Ally asked.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to make myself drunk," I answered back.
"And?" she asked again.
"I had this very bad headache, so I though by drank a bit of wine will make the pain go away," I answered.
"Yeah, right. Go and refresh yourself," She said and left the room.
Ryan came and sits next to me. He pushed away some of my hair away from my face.
"You made me worried all night," he said.
"I really am very sorry about it. I just kind of," and before I could finished the sentence, he put his finger on my lips.
"It's ok. Don't do it again," he said and kissed me lightly on my lips.
"You better hit the shower now, you smell like a fish," he said and ran out of the room.
"What? You think so? After I've clean myself up. You are not gonna get a single kiss from me!" I shout at him. He ducks his head in the room and said.
"Fine, I rather kiss a fish then a-half-girl-half-fish." I picked up a pillow and threw it at him, and then he quickly closes the door.
After cleaning up myself and put on fresh clothes, I went downstairs. I went into the kitchen and greet everyone good morning.
"Yum, pancakes with strawberry sauce," I said and grin widely.
"Yeah, the three of us made it specially for you," Ally said and took sip from her cup.
"What? It takes three of you to make this pancakes," I said.
"Just kidding. Actually it was Alex who did it," she said and glances at him.
He blushed and said, "It was nothing. I love cooking." I never saw him blushed before. I eat the slowly pancakes, it was so delicious. I never taste such a delicious pancakes before. He really is a good cooker.
"It's very delicious," I said to him.
"I think you should be a chef," Ryan said to him. And he just smiled shyly.
"We have five more days for the holiday. And tomorrow will be our last day here," Ally said.
"All of us are going to go fishing after this, so are you guys up to it?" Alex asked.
"Yes, we are," Ally said excitedly. How wonderful it is to be on a boat, feel the wind that blows softly at you face. I can't wait to be on the boat. After I had finished eating I told them that I want to take a walk down the beach for a while.
I walked slowly down the beach. I keep on walking until the house can't be seen. Then I saw a cave and decide to take a looked in it. The cave was not really dark because the light outside shone in it. I climb on a big rock and sat on it. Then I started to think about what my mind keeps on asking me about.
So who are going to choose? My mind asked again. Then my head started to ached again. I rest my back at the rock behind me and close my eyes.
When I woke up and find myself soak in the seawater. The cave was very dark, and I can't see where the mouth of the cave is. You can only see water everywhere. I started climb higher. Then I heard thunders. It started to feel very cold in here. I am getting to feel scared.
No, I'm going to be all right. It's only rain heavily outside. Then I stared to shiver.
"Sara!" I heard someone called me.
"I'm in here... in the cave!" I shout in trembling voice.
I can see some lights. But I can't see who it was, and he was swimming towards me. When he climbs onto the rock then I can see him clearly.
It's…him, Alex. He looked scared and worried. He put both of his hands on my shoulder.
"Sara, are you alright?" he asked. I launched towards him and hugged him.
"I'm very scared," I said with shaky voice and I started to cry. He wrapped his arms protectively around me.
"It's alright Sara, I'm right here with you," he said trying to comfort me. He was shaking uncontrollable. Then I remember that I tied a jacket around my waist before gone out. I pushed myself away from him and untied the jacket.
I put the jacket around his shoulder.
"Thanks," he said still shaking. He took my hands and looked deeply in my eyes.
"Sara, I have to tell you this. I can't keep it anymore. It's driving me crazy," he said in a low and sweet voice.
"Sara, I love you. I love you so much. I've been loving you for the past two years," he paused. I can't believe what I just heard. Maybe I was dreaming, but my heart told me I am not.
"Even when I was dating with Sharon, it's you I always think about. And that night when Ryan told me that you are his girlfriend," he paused again and this time i can see tears in his eyes.
"All my dream about you shattered into thousands of pieces." I can see pain in his eyes and I started to cry too.
He continued, "You don't have to say anything. I know it's not fair for you. I know you love Ryan very much." I waited for him to continue, but he just looked down at my hands.
"That's what everyone thought so, only Ally knows what's in my heart," I said. He looked up, and narrows his eyes. He looked puzzled.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"There's only one person in my heart. And I've been loving him for the past five years," I paused.
To be continue......
11:36 am
Sunday, April 24, 2005
ContinueInside of the house makes you feel very comfortable. Alex lead the way, we went upstairs. There were four doors.
"Ryan, you will be sharing my room with me, over there, the second door," he said and shows Ryan the door.
"Both of you will stay over here," he said and opened the door that is opposite to his room. "Thanks Alex," Ally said.
"Yeah, thanks," I said repeating after Ally. He looked very happy at that.
"Well, you're welcome,” he said and entered his room.
There were two beds, one closet and a small bathroom. Everything seems perfect. I think I'm going to like staying over here. Ally had started to unpack her thing.
"I can't believe that it would be this fantastic," she said.
"Yeah, I really like this cozy house," I said and started to unpack my things. While we were talking at put our thing neatly in the closet and the toilet, there was a knock on the door.
"Sara, Ally. Hurry up, we going to start the barbecue," and that was Ryan who said it.
"Okay, we're coming," Ally said and opened up the door.
"I'll go first," she said and left me alone with Ryan. I smiled at him and said, "Lets go, my stomach has started to growl" and pat my stomach. He put his left arm on my shoulder.
"Yeah me too," he said and we went down together.
Still in Ryan's arm, we walked together towards the beach. Alex and Ally had already started to make those sandwiches, Alex saw us coming and wave at us.
"Hey, what took you guys so long," he said. The sky had already turns dark. After we had finished eating, we sat around the fire. The wind started to blew slightly strong, and it makes me shivered. And like always, I forgot to bring along my sweater. Ryan noticed me and said, "Here take this," and put his jacket on my shoulder.
Then he came closer to me and whispered in my ear.
"Do you want to have a walk?" he asked. The sky is full with stars already, and the moon is full and beautiful, well I think I want to be alone with Ryan.
"Sure," I answered.
"We want to take a stroll," Ryan said, he stood up and pulled me up with him. Even in the dark, I can see Alex eyes. There was something in it. It looks kind of sad. Ryan holds my hand and when we were quite far away from them, we sat on the sand.
I put my head on his shoulder and said, "I'm sorry about last night. To cried like that without any reason. I must look really pathetic right?" I asked him.
"It's ok, and you don't look pathetic at all. You looked very beautiful when you cry, like an angel," he said and looked deeply in my eyes.
"You must be joking right?" I asked him again.
"No, I'm serious," he said seriously. I can see the flame was burning brightly in his eyes. The air is getting very cold and I started to shiver again.
"Let me warm you," he said and pulled me closer to him. I rest my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Every night, when I lay in my bed, I pray that I'll dream of you," he said in a low soothing voice.
"And did you?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I dream of you," he answered back.
"I think we should go back in the house. It's getting very cold here," I said. He agreed and we walked back slowly back to the house.
Ally and Alex were already in the house. They sat on the sofa.
"Let us watch some video," Alex said. We join them and sat on the other sofa.
"There's a bottle of wine on the kitchen table, if you guys want some," he said again. I can't concentrate on the television. My mind keeps on telling me,
you can't love both of them, and you have to choose between them. And it really makes my headache.
"I want to drink something, be back soon," I said to Ryan and went to the kitchen.
I remember that Alex told us about the wine on the table.
Maybe that can make my headache gone and I can think clearly, I said to myself. I entered the kitchen and saw the bottle. It was a bottle of black current wine. I took a glass from the cupboard and pour a glass full of the wine. I drank it. I can feel the warm of it as it entered my trough. I had finished one class and pour another. After I had finished the second, my head stared to spin. Maybe I have to drink a bit more, I said to myself. After I had taken another glass, I heard someone entered the kitchen.
"Sara?" I can hardly open my eyes. But I know it is Ally. I can hear she called Ryan.
4:19 pm
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
UntitledTormented by your words.It cuts me into pieces.Sliced through my heart.Poison flow with my blood.Travelling to my weak heart.Numbing all my nerves.Tears crystal iced.Shattered upon the broken ground.Eyes closed to the darkness.Lay stoned still.With no intruders.
(Finally!!!!! I Can write again.. wrote it in my
boring Business Admin class)
6:37 pm
Monday, April 18, 2005
IncompleteEmpty spaces fill me up with holesDistant faces with no place left to goWithout you within me I can't find no restWhere I'm going is anybody's guessI've tried to go on like I never knew youI'm awake but my world is half asleepI pray for this heart to be unbrokenBut without you all I'm going to be is incompleteVoices tell me I should carry onBut I am swimming in an ocean all aloneBaby, my babyIt's written on your faceYou still wonder if we made a big mistakeI've tried to go on like I never knew youI'm awake but my world is half asleepI pray for this heart to be unbrokenBut without you all I'm going to be is incompleteI don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you goI don't wanna make you face this world aloneI wanna let you go (alone)I've tried to go on like I never knew youI'm awake but my world is half asleepI pray for this heart to be unbrokenBut without you all I'm going to be is incomplete(A lovely song from BSB, yeah they're back!! Loving it .Hope you're here.. but no, you're not... Miss talking to you..)
6:04 pm
CHAPTER 2
When we reached at the beach, the sky had already turn dark, and there were three bright stars can be seen already. Ryan and I sit on a bench that was facing the sea. He put his right arm on my shoulder and turns to me.
"I'd never been this happy all my life. With you in my arms, I know that all my dreams will come true," he said in low sweet voice.
His eyes were burning brighter, I feel like telling him that I love him as a friend and not a lover. But the look in his eyes made the words stuck in my trough.
"I never feel so much love before. I love you more than myself," he said again. The way he said those words, it almost made me want to cry. What if he knows the true about my feeling towards him?
He was looking deeply into my eyes now.
"But," before I could say anything, he shut my mouth by kissing me. He drew me closer to him, and I can feel his hard chest. His arms were holding me tightly and lovingly. I put my hands around his neck. I wanted to love him like a lover, but I can’t. And when I kiss him, I don't feel anything. I can feel it when I kissed Alex that time. Oh God, please forgive me. Tears began to fill my eyes. I've to stop this, I told myself.
I pulled myself away from him. He looked puzzled, and I can see pain in his eyes. I can't hold back the tears anymore, and I let it flow.
"Sara? Why? What happen? Are you sick?" he asked me. He looked scared.
"Nothing, just hug me," I said. He hugged me, and presses my head to his chest.
"I'm here, please stop crying, it really hurt me to see you cry. I never see you sad before," he said in comforting voice.
"Maybe we should just go home," he said.
"No, I just wanna sit here for a while," I said and wipe the tears on my cheek with the back of my hand.
I woke up the next morning with the sunshine on my face. Today is Saturday, I pushed away the cover and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I remember what happened yesterday.
"I must have looked pathetic," I said to myself. I stood up and dragged myself to the bathroom.
When I just got out from the bathroom, the telephone rang. I quickly picked it up.
"Hello Sara, good morning. Do you want to join us? We wanna go camping at Shore Shine Island," Ally said. Shore Shine Island is not far away from here. It is just one-hour journey from here.
"I don't know. I've to ask my parents first," I said.
"I've already asked your parents, and they said you can go," Ally said in her excited voice.
"Oh, okay. Then I've to pack my things," I answered back shortly.
"We'll pick you up at ten," Ally said and hung up.
I glance at the clock.
"It's nine already!" I said. I quickly put on my shirt and jean. When I am packing up my clothes, there was a knock on the door.
"Sara, it's me," mom said. "Come in," I said.
"Your father sent his love to you. He wants you to be careful. Will you promise me to take good care of yourself?" mom asked.
"Of course mom, I promise," I said. I have finished packing up my thing. Mom sit on my bed, she looked a bit worry. I sit beside her and took her hands.
"Mom, if you don't want me to go. I'll stay," I told her. She touched my head and said, "No honey. I want you to go."
"Sara!" that was Ally.
"I think you better go now. And have fun," mom said and kissed my head. We went downstairs together.
"I promise you, I'll take good care of myself," after kissed her I went out. I can see that Alex is in the car, Ryan came to me and took my bag.
"Bye Mrs. Richardson," Ryan said.
"Don’t worry, we'll take care of her," Ally said.
Keith is the driver, Ryan sit in front, while Ally and I sit at the back.
"This is going to be fun, trust me," Alex said. I really miss his voice, I said to myself.
"Sara, wake up. We are in front of Alex's summer house," Ally shook me. I must have fallen asleep.
I got out from the car and looked around. This is wonderful; the sea is just a few feet away from the house. As for the house, it looks comfortable and welcoming.
"This is wonderful!" Ally said.
I went to the butt of the car to carry my bag out.
"Let me carry this for you," Ryan said and took the bag away from me.
"Thanks," I said.
"'Comon guys, let me show where your rooms are," Alex said looking out the window.
To be continue....
5:44 pm
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Continue:
After Ryan and Ally leave, I bring all of the present in my room and locked the door behind me. I put all the presents on my bed and sat beside it. I don't know which one I want to open first. Then I saw this small present wrapped in dark blue wrapper with tiny re ribbon on it. I pick it up and read the card that was attached to it. To: Sara Richardson
From: Alex Winston
Happy 18th birthday to you. I hope all your wishes will come true. You are the sweetest girl I ever met. And thank you for you helped that day. It is so nice to have a friend like you; there are a few friends like you these days.
Your friend
AlexI unwrapped the present carefully, then I pulled it from the box. This is so beautiful, I said to myself. It is a music box, I lift the lid up, there is a guy and a girl dancing in the middle of the heart shaped floor. And the music that was playing is the 'Angel' song. And it is my favorite song. I put the music box on the drawer next to the bed. Then I open up the rest of the present. Ryan gave me a new set of paintbrush, and Ally gave me a black cardigan. I like all the presents that they gave me. But I like Alex's the best.I promised myself that I wouldn't tell anybody including Ally about what happened at the garden yesterday. Today I drove Ally to school. Everything went very well in school today. Even in the history class I don't feel bored.
At lunchtime Ryan joins us. "Sara, why do you look so happy today? You even seem to be concentrate on what the teachers said," Ally asked me.
"Well, I guess I'm in the mood to study that all," I answered back.
"So Jess, do you want to go down to the beach tonight?" Ryan asked. "Yeah sure," I answered.
"Great, I'll pick you up latter," Ryan said. He sound very happy, and you can see his eyes were twinkling.
"Do you want to join us," he asked Ally.
"No thanks, you guys go ahead. I've a date with someone to night," she said."What?! You have a date and you don't tell me, I'm going to kill you now," I said. Ally had already picked up her bag and an away. I too pick up my bag to run after her. But before I started to run, Ryan caught my arms and pulls me towards him.
"I really love you Sara. And I don't want to lose you. No matter what," he said soothingly and kissed my hand.I was so surprise; I really don't know what to say to him. Then he let my hand go. "I think you better go and catch her," he said. There were flames in his eyes.
"See you tonight," that was all I can say in this kind of situation. And I started to run towards the exit.To Be Continue....
7:30 am
Friday, April 08, 2005
Continue:-"It's me, Alex," he said. What was he doing right here in the middle of the night? And I can see that he is walking towards me.
"What are you doing here," I asked him. He stood two feet away from me, but I can't see his eyes because it is very dark out here.
"I wanna say sorry to you," he said. I can hear his breathing.
"In the middle of the night? And what was the sorry for?" I asked him. I've no idea what the sorry for.
"Emm. Sorry about just now at school. I know that I look like the hell just been breaking lose," he said in a soft voice.
"Well, it's okay. You don't have to apologies; I think you were so angry about something. If you need to share your problem with me, I'm glad to help you," I told you. Sara! What the hell are you doing! I scream in my head.I sat on the bench that is near us, he looked hesitant at first, but finally he sat beside me.
"Am I wrong to break up with her?" he asked me.
"If you don't love each other, I think you're right," I told him.
"I never love her the way I love," he pauses for a moment, "the way I love someone else. I just want her to be my friend, but she doesn't want to. She said I've played with her heart," he stopped. He looked very sad, and his eyes, they were soft emerald green.
I patted on his shoulder and said, "Maybe you should give her sometimes to cool down. I'm sure after that she'll understand." He looked a bit relived.
"Thanks for the advice, I think I should be going right now. Sorry to wake you up at this hour," then he turned around and walked away.
"Alex!" he stopped and turn around, "if you have any problem you can call me anytime you want," I said. He nodded and walked away.The next day at school, I told Ally what happened last night.
"Oh my God! Sara! If Ryan knows about this I don't think he'll not like it," Ally said. I groan and said, "I'll tell Ryan, I'm sure he'll understand." And both of us walked to the locker room.
I wait by her locker while she kept her books.
"Sara!" I turn my head around. It was Ryan and he was heading this way. I smiled back at him, he seem to be happy about something.
"Hi Sara," he said and kisses me. When we broke away from the kissed I said, "I've to tell you something." He put his finger on my lips and said, "No, you don't have to say any thing. Come let's go." And he dragged me. "But Ally," I protest.
"You guys go ahead," she said.
In the car I asked Ryan, "Where are we going?" He smiles sheepishly and turns to me.
"Wait 'till we get there," he said solemnly. Suddenly he stopped the car.
"I've to blind fold you first. Come closer so I can tie this," he said holding a piece of black cloth.
"What? not again," I protested. "Please," he pleads.
"You know what? You look so cute when you do that. Okay fine," I said. I can feel the cloth covering my eyes.
"Here we are, you wait here, I'm going to go to lead you out of the car," I felt a little nervous. "Here take my hands," I took his hand and get out of the car. He put one of his arms around my waist and I hold the other. I heard something crack, "Let me open this thing for you," he said and untied the blindfold.
I opened up my eyes slowly, "Surprise! Happy birthday Sara!" there was mom holding the cake with dad beside her, and there was Ally and Alex, Alex?
"Happy eighteenth birthday Sara" Ryan said and kissed my right cheek.
"'Com on Sara, make a wish and blow the candles," Ally said. I closed my eyes, made a quick wish and blew the candles.
Mom put the cake on the table and everyone started to give presents.
"And now, the present from your mother and me," dad said.
"'Com on, lets go out," mom said. Mom, dad and Ally lead the way, I walked with Ryan and Alex walked behind us. "Here's your present honey," dad said. I must me dreaming, it is a car and it is red in color, it was so fantastic. I run to my parents and hugged them both.
"Thanks, I don't know what to say," I said as tears began to fill my eyes.
"Oh no, Mr. And Mrs. Richardson, why do you have to buy Sara a car. Now I don't have anymore chance to send her home," Ryan said in a sad tone, and it made everyone laugh. Alex came to his side and said, "don't worry 'bout that, 'cause I'm going to help you to punch a hole in the tyre so you can take her home," and that made us laugh even worse.
After finished eating the cake, I went to the garden alone while the rest of them talk to each other. I love the garden very much, not only there are lots of flowers in there, but that is the most private place around the house. Nobody can see you there, not even from indoors nor outdoors. I sat on the wooden bench and looked at the red roses. They had begun to bloom. I stood up and hold one of it. "Sara," I startled and turn around, it was Alex. His eyes were glowing emerald green."Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that," he said. Now he was standing only a few inches from me. I can feel the heat of his body now, and then everything seems to be happening so fast. Both of us were kissing each other. His lips were warm and sweet, his arms wrapped tightly around me. And I feel protected in his arms.
Than I realize where we are, we are in the garden. I felt like I have betrayed Ryan. You have to stop this Sara, I told myself. I pushed myself away from him. He looked confuse at first, and suddenly his eyes widen.
"I'm sorry Sara, I didn't mean to… how stupid am I," he sound sad and regret. He looked terrible.
"We can't do it again," I said finally. He turn around and said in a low and sad voice, "I'm really sorry, I think I should go now," and he walked away.To Be Continue...
1:28 pm
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Continue..."Why do you love me? I'm not pretty and I'm just a plain girl, while you're so popular and."
He cut me of, "I don't care about that, I love you the way you are," he said soothingly.
"But…" I tried to protest. Before I could say more, he put his finger on my lips and he kisses me tenderly. His lips were warm and sweet.
Then he let my go, "I'll always love you, you are so sweet," and he hugged me tightly.
"I'll never let you go, and I'll not a lout anyone to take you away from me," and he kisses my forehead. Everything happened so fast and I just can't find the correct words to say to him.
The winds blew stronger. He got up and pulled me with him.
"We should go now, I don't want you to catch cold," we walked slowly towards his car. Then a figure appeared from behind a tree, when it gets closer, oh gosh! It’s him, Alex."What a surprise," Alex said to Ryan.
"Oh, it's you. What are you doing here at this time?" Ryan asked.
"Just taking in some fresh air. So what are you doing here?" Alex asked back. "Oh. Let me introduce you, this is my date, Sara" and both of us shook hands.His hand feels so warm.
"Bye, I've to go now," Alex said and walked away. As he walked away he glance at me, and there was something in his emerald green eyes that I couldn't explain and it makes me shiver.
"Come, lets go," Ryan tugged my hand. When we reach at my door, "So, see you tomorrow," and he kiss lightly on my right cheek.
"Bye, have a goodnight sleep," and he walked away, when he reach his car, he turn and wave at me.
I can't sleep, so I got out of my bed and opened up the window. The winds blew softly at my face; I just can't get Alex out of my mind. I wanted to forget him, oh God, please help me, I prayed. I’m just so confuse, Ryan is very nice to me, he always treat me nicely, but I just can't forget Alex. As usual, the locker room always full with students at lunchtime. "Sara, I've been looking for you all over the school," Ally said as she put her begs on the floor.
"What's wrong with you? Since when you don't know where I'm," I said jokingly.
"So, how's your date?" she asked.
"Pretty good," I answered dryly.
"What do you mean pretty good?" she looked disappointed.
"We ran into him yesterday," I answered.
"Who? Don't tell me it was Alex," she said, narrowing her eyes.
"You're right," I said plainly. We start walking towards the change room.
"He's very handsome," I said soothingly. "Stop it Sara, you're dating Ryan now," she said in a low voice.
"Sorry I didn't mean to, I know Ryan love but," before I could finished the sentence, Ally cut me in,"give him a chance Sara." I'm so confuse, I want to be serious with Ryan, but I just can't get Alex of my mind. I change into my hokey jersey.
"Ally, I wait for you out there," I told her and walked out of the room. "Sara!" I heard someone call me and turn my head around. Oh, it's Ryan.
"Hi," he said, and he stands very close to me.
"Hi," I said with a nervous tone.
"I'll wait for you after the practice. I want to send you home," he said. "But Ally," before I could made any excuse, Ally cut me in, "It's ok, I've to go to my aunt's house after the practice."
I really don't know what excuse I've to give, "So?" he asked again. And the looked in his blue eyes makes me want to melt.
"Oh, ok." And he grin, he look very cute that way, he kissed my cheek and walk away.
"What are you looking at?" I said to Ally.
"Nothing, just looking at a lovely couple," she teased and ran away.
"What? Come back here," and I ran after her.After the practice, I took a quick shower and put on my clothes and my sport shoes. I carried my backpack on my shoulder.
"Ally, I'll go now," I said to her.
"Have fun," she said and gave me a devilish smile. I opened the door and went out. Ryan was already there, he smiled at me and took my backpack from me.
"So how's the practice goes?" he asked and we started to walk towards the parking lots.
"Pretty good," I paused for a while, "so how's yours," I asked him back.
"Pretty tough, the coach said that we have to win the game no matter what," he answered and shrugs.
"You must be very tired then, if you need some rest then I'll go home by myself," I told him.
"No, I'll send you home. After seeing you, I don't feel tired at all," and he grin.He put my bag down and kisses me tenderly. "Ehem!" we broke apart quickly, how can you be so stupid Sara, you're in the school, I scold myself.
"Oh, hi Alex," I turn around and, damn it's him. His eyes were icy cold, "sorry for the interruption," and he storm away, he looks furious."What’s wrong with him?" I asked Ryan.
"That's what everybody tries to find out about. He don't seem to concentrate on the practice and he got a very serious warning from the coach," he paused for a while, "we heard that he just broke of with his girlfriend," and he shrug.
Ryan and I had a very lovely time, we ate ice cream together, do some shopping and for the first time, I feel very comfortable with him. But I can forget the way, Alex looked just now. The thought of him makes me wake up in the middle of the night.
I sit up on my bed in the darkness of my room; there were something wrong with that eyes, I never saw that eyes were so icy cold before. The way he looked at me on the beach that night, told me that, he got something to say to me. You must be tired Sara, I told myself. I went to the window and opened it; the night wind came in rushing towards me. I looked down at the rose bushes underneath my window, then my eyes move to something that stood beside the rose bushes. There's nothing over there Sara, you must be dreaming. I said to myself. Then I saw it moving. I better go and check it out.
I put on my sweater and my snickers, and tip toe downstairs as quite as I can. I walked slowly to the rose bushes.
"Who’s there?" I called out quietly.
12:40 pm
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Chapter One
I sat on a big rock and looked up at the stars that were twinkling like million little diamonds in the dark night sky. I'm really confused and I wished that Ally were here with me. She always helps me with my problems. But she is at her grandparents' house to celebrate their anniversary. And now my problem is really very serious one. I've run away from both of them, Alex and Ryan. Both of them make me confuse.
Last five years, I have loved Alex with all my heart. I know that I can never make him mine. He already had a beautiful girlfriend and she is a cheerleader. Whereas I am not as popular and not as beautiful as she is.
And early this year, Ally introduced me to Ryan and he is one of the football players in the school. And I think I kind of like him now. He is six feet five inches tall, dark blonde hair, and his eyes are ocean blue.
But Alex is much more handsome. He had this looks that can make a girl melt when she look at him. He is six feet two inches tall, dark black hair, and his eyes are emerald color. I just can't forget the way he looks.
So I have tried every possible ways to forget him. And right now I want to be serious with Ryan. And something had happened last week, and it is making me confuse.
This was how the story began. Ryan was asking me out tonight, "Do you have any thing to do tonight?" he asked. "No," answered back shyly. "Then, I'll pick you up at six. We'll have dinner together,"he said. I smiled at him and said, "Ok, see you then."
"K, see you then", he said and walked away. I am very happy because Ally told me that Ryan is in love with me but I don't believe her. I know that was impossible, how can a popular guy like Ryan love me?
I glance at the clock; it is twenty minutes more before Ryan comes. "How do I look?" I asked Ally. She looked at me with her thumb up, "you look beautiful tonight," she said. I sat down beside Ally. "I'm nervous, I never date before. I hope he'll like the way I look tonight." Ally put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I think he's going to love it. Just stay calm and pretend that you are going out with me."
"But he's a boy and you're a girl. It's not the same. But I'll try to be calm," I said and try to calm myself. We heard a car pull over at my front door.
"Come on Sara, be a good girl and tell me everything when you get home tonight. Good luck", she kissed me on the cheek and went down stairs. I took a deep breath, and went down.
I went to the kitchen and said goodbye to my parents. My mother patted my shoulder, "have fun and don't think 'bout anything else."
When I walked out of the door, Ally was talking to him. Both of them turn around when I walked towards them. He looks charming; he wears a pair of black pant and a black jacket with white shirt in it.
He keeps on staring at me as I came closer, and I can feel myself blushing. "I've to go now. So have fun," Ally wink at me then walk towards her house, hers is just opposite of mine. He took my hands and said, "You look very beautiful tonight," and I can feel myself blushed again. "You look great", I said.He opened the car door for me, and I went in. I'm too nervous to say anything. I guess he is as nervous as I am, finally I said, "so, where are we going to eat?" "It's a surprise, I can't tell you now. And I hope you'll like it," he said and smiled at me. I wear a pair of jeans.
He parked the car near a big tree. It was dark so I can hardly see anything. He opened the door for me and took my hand. "You have to close your eyes first," he said. "But I won't be able to see anything" I protested. "Don't worry, I'll guide you." I took his arm and close my eyes.
We walked for a while and suddenly he stopped, "you can open your eyes now." I can't believe it, this so wonderful, we are on the beach, there is a small square table with two wooden chair, there are candles, foods, plates, two glasses and everything was so great. "Ryan, this is so beautiful" and hugged him. He put his arm around me and I can't feel the warm of his body. "I know you gonna like it, lets go over there, before the foods turn cold," he said. Then we walk to the table. There is a plate of chicken wings, a plate of clams with cream on it, a plate of garlic breads, and two plates of steaks. And as for the drink, there are two glasses of plain water and two glasses of soda. "Lets start eating, my stomach is growling," he said. All the foods were very delicious. "All of the foods are very delicious, and now I'm bloating. Thanks for all this. I'm very happy. Thanks once again" I said to him.
"Well, this is all I can do, lets walk down the beach," he said. He came by my side and took my. We waked slowly down the beach. The night sky was filled with lots of twinkling stars. "Wanna sit over there?" he asked me, "yeah sure," and we sit down on the sands side by side.
The wind blew stronger and it made me shivered, if I knew that we going to go to the beach, I would have bring my sweater along. "Are you cold? Here take my jacket," then he put his jacket on my shoulder. "Thanks" I said shyly. He put one of his arm around my shoulder, he turn to me and said, "I've something to tell you," he pause for awhile and took a deep breath, "I love you Sara. I love from the first time I met you." I don't know what to say, I just stare at him.
To be continue..........
12:21 pm
Loving ItI've been working on my writting again.I know that I'll be making lots of mistakes.Grammar.. spellings... I'm going to post it a bit every day. Sofeel free to comment on it. I need to knowmy mistakes so I cam improve..
