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I walked to the rose bush.
"Sara," I knew that voice and turn around quickly. It's him, it's Alex. He is just a foot or two from me. He came closer to me.
"Alex," I hear myself spoke his name. He held me closer to him. "Sara, I knew you still love me. I don't believe when you told me that you don't love anymore," he said.
"It is true. I don't love you anymore," I snap back and pulled myself away from him. Before I could say anymore, he pulled me towards him again.
"Sara, don't lie to me. You lips told me that, but not your eyes." He said again.
"Just leave me alone. I..." I stopped, unable to continue.
"Sara, please don't do this to me. My life is nothing without you," he pleads. I looked down at my feet. I knew if I looked at him, I would see pain in his eyes. The pain that I had cause. You're a sore loser Sara! my mind shouted at me. I can't tolerate it anymore. I pushed him a side and ran as fast as I could. I have no idea where I'm heading. I stopped for a while to catch my breath. The beach, I can go to the beach. It is the peaceful and the best place to go in this situation.
So here I am on the beach sitting on a big rock. I miss Ally; I need to talk to someone right now. I felt so lonely. I miss Alex; I miss being wrapped in his arms. I guess I'm going to lose him. I tried not to think about it. But who am I fooling myself, deep down my heart I knew I'm going to lose him sooner or later. Before all this happened, I used to be a cheering and happy girl. I never felt this sad. But seen it happened, I'm not the same person as I am before. I have totally changed into someone who I myself couldn't recognize. I picked up a small stone and threw it in the water. I had even broken a promise that I made to myself. I had promised not to hurt Alex, but I did. I have killed him, and I've killed myself. That is what I am. I am dead, a dead walking girl.
I looked at my watch, three-thirty in the morning! If my parents knew of this, they are going to kill me. I walked slowly back to my car. I got to be strong for the sack of my parents. If they see me like this, they will be worrying all the time. I don't want them to be sad. Let me be the one to face this. This is my problem. I have to face it alone no matter what. Luckily they were still sleeping when I got home. Sleep eluded me, so took out my diary from the drawer. I picked up a pen on the table and began to write.

Saturday 14th June 2001
Dear Diary,
It's 5.00am already and I have not slept the whole night. I have thought a lot these days. I don't know if I can face this alone. But I have to no matter what. I don't want my parents to worry about me at all time. Only you know that I still love him. I miss him so much. I miss his warm hugged. I've made up my mind. If I ever see them fight (over me) again. I'll end up my life. It's seemed to be the only way to stop them from hating each other. I don't know where this thing came from, but I'm very sad to see them fight and hurting each other. When Ryan hurt him, my heart feels like being stab by a knife. I don't want to see him hurt again, nor I want to see anybody hurt again because of me. Maybe I can go to the Green Square mall. It has 12 levels. High enough for me to jump down from it. Yeah, maybe.... So that's my final decision.

I closed the diary and wipe my tears away. I'm serious about ending my life if this thing gets pretty ugly. I kept the diary back in the drawer and took a shower.
After the shower, I went down to the kitchen. Mum and dad were already eating their breakfast.
"Good morning mum, good morning dad." I greet them and sit down.
"I hope you had a nice sleep," mum said.
"Yes, I'd such a nice sleep." I said trying to make her happy.
"So, where are going to go today?" dad asked and pour himself another cup of coffee.
"I think. I want to go to the lake today if you don't mind?" I said.
"Of course not. We can go with you if want," dad said again.
"No thanks, I want to be alone. I'll do some sketching. It's been along time I've not sketch," I reply. Mum and dad smiled at each other. I know they will be happy to see me smiling again. Well who knows what's in my heart?


To be continue........